Scourge chat log
Disclaimer: I did not write this, I am only sharing it with the community. This was written by Brian Buckley who ran the site coffee with sargeras (hosted at blogspot – original address now defunct), there were 3 scourge chat logs in all and this one has been adapted into a radio style show by a few WoW comentators such as Totalbiscuit and Jesse Cox. Scourge Chat Log ***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.*** theLichKing: Hey theLichKing: Anyone there? theLichKing: *drums fingers* ***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.*** theLichKing: Hey man. Kel'Thuz4d: my liege theLichKing: Listen, there's this thing I need you to do for me Kel'Thuz4d: anything my liege Kel'Thuz4d: what army must i lay to waste Kel'Thuz4d: whose lands shall i decimate for ur glory theLichKing: Um, yeah, I'm good on decimation for today. We're going to hold off on the decimation for, like, a week or so. Kel'Thuz4d: ok? theLichKing: I was thinking. How much trouble do you think it would be to have a thermostat installed in the Throne Room? Kel'Thuz4d: ... Kel'Thuz4d: y? theLichKing: It's really really cold in here. theLichKing: I'm Lord of the Scourge. I think I should get a thermostat. Kel'Thuz4d: no its a frozen throne theLichKing: Right theLichKing: See that's exactly what I'm talking about. The throne is frozen. The chair that I sit on all day? Literally a block of ice. theLichKing: It is so very, very cold. theLichKing: I actually cannot over-emphasize how cold I am on a daily basis. Kel'Thuz4d: but its supposed to be frozen Kel'Thuz4d: its the source of ur power theLichKing: About that. Can I get my power transferred to some other source? theLichKing: Something that isn't made out of ice that I then have to literally sit on? theLichKing: Someone dropped the ball there. Kel'Thuz4d: ok so like what should it be then Kel'Thuz4d: like a ring? theLichKing: A ring? theLichKing: Seriously, a ring. theLichKing: Do you _read_ history? Kel'Thuz4d: so what then theLichKing: I don't know. I'll think about it. Maybe an armoire. Kel'Thuz4d: armor? theLichKing: No, not armor. An armoire. The furniture. theLichKing: Oh but speaking of armor theLichKing: I have skulls on my kneecaps. Kel'Thuz4d: ok? theLichKing: No, it is _not_ okay. theLichKing: I have skulls. theLichKing: On my _kneecaps_. Kel'Thuz4d: well for the thermostat i think u need approval from a supervisor Kel'Thuz4d: ill just get kiljaeden in here and well sort it out theLichKing: No! Kel'Thuz4d: no its cool theLichKing: No, don't... theLichKing: Ugh, my old boss. I hate this guy. theLichKing: Ok I'll just...I'll act casual. Like old times. ***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.*** Killzone'jaeden: This had better be important. Kel'Thuz4d: yeah lich king here just wants a warmer throne room is all Killzone'jaeden: Warmer? theLichKing: No it's really not necessary sir Killzone'jaeden: You want a warmer throne room? Kel'Thuz4d: yeah theLichKing: No Kel'Thuz4d: yeah he does theLichKing: I really don't. Killzone'jaeden: Ok sure let me just get right on that Killzone'jaeden: I actually know these guys, they're really great, literally made out of fire Killzone'jaeden: They could heat your room right up for you Killzone'jaeden: They're called the Burning Legion...why don't I just invite them to Azeroth so they can come and Killzone'jaeden: OH WAIT Killzone'jaeden: Someone's too busy being Chatty Cathy to PREPARE HIS WORLD FOR AN APOCALYPSE theLichKing: So sorry sir Killzone'jaeden: Yeah, "sir," that's new Kel'Thuz4d: hey cmon though its not like weve just been sitting around Kel'Thuz4d: were spreading plague and stuff Kel'Thuz4d: we totally spread a lot of plague Kel'Thuz4d: and dont forget the spider war theLichKing: Actually I wouldn't mention that... Killzone'jaeden: Oh yes. The "Spider War." Killzone'jaeden: The "war" where you spent ten years getting rid Killzone'jaeden: OF SPIDERS Killzone'jaeden: Check it out, I had a Mosquito War last night. Mosquito lands on me, I squish it. Done. Two seconds. Killzone'jaeden: Didn't take me ten years Killzone'jaeden: BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT theLichKing: Yes sir theLichKing: Very sorry sir. theLichKing: I'm on it. Killzone'jaeden: Y'know what, you know who else might want to hear about this Killzone'jaeden: Maybe I shold get Sargeras in here Kel'Thuz4d: Sure. theLichKing: NO! That's not necessary Killzone'jaeden: Hold on I'll go get him. ***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.*** theLichKing: ARE YOU CRAZY theLichKing: "Sure"? Do you know who Sargeras actually is?? Kel'Thuz4d: i think so hes alliance right theLichKing: ... Kel'Thuz4d: horde? theLichKing: *headdesk* ***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.*** An00b'arak: hay guise whats goin on in dis chat Kel'Thuz4d: sup An00b'arak: sup Kel'Thuz4d: sup An00b'arak: sup Kel'Thuz4d: whaaaazzzzaaaaaap An00b'arak: what are yoooooou doing theLichKing: GUYS theLichKing: SERIOUSLY An00b'arak: whats his problem Kel'Thuz4d: hes cold An00b'arak: well yeah he sits on a frozen throne inside of icecrown glacier with a sword named frostmorn An00b'arak: the name icecrown glacier can only imply that among glaciers, which are themselves made of ice, this one is especially icy An00b'arak: its possible there is some coldness involved theLichKing: _Thank_ you! theLichKing: Ok, so install me a thermostat pl0x. Kel'Thuz4d: uh boss ixnay on asking him to install stuff An00b'arak: what is that supposed to mean?? Kel'Thuz4d: uh An00b'arak: oh i get it An00b'arak: bc im an arachnid????? An00b'arak: and how could i possibly install a thermostat without thumbs An00b'arak: racist Kel'Thuz4d: no no no Kel'Thuz4d: well ok yeah how would that actually work An00b'arak: im sure i dont know...im just an arachnid An00b'arak: guess what im not ashamed of what i am An00b'arak: >8< spider pride ***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.*** Kel'Thuz4d: thank god ***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.*** Kel'Thuz4d: oh god An00b'arak: im lodging a formal protest An00b'arak: i am going to let every1 know the scourge is not an equal opportunity employer An00b'arak: and i am being discriminated against due to race An00b'arak: and species An00b'arak: and phylum theLichKing: Ok, look, there's no need to get upset An00b'arak: omg An00b'arak: dont apologize for him arthas ***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.*** Killzone'jaeden: Sargeras is logging on now. theLichKing: Aw hell. Killzone'jaeden: Precisely. theLichKing: Listen, I wasn't complaining earlier, the temperature is fine... An00b'arak: kiljaeden?? Killzone'jaeden: Excuse me, who is this? I'm *Lord* Jaeden to anybody that's not a Dreadlord. An00b'arak: listen killy there is some phylumism going down in this piece Killzone'jaeden: Killy? Oh you do want to die don't you. Killzone'jaeden: Also does nobody capitalize anymore?! Killzone'jaeden: I didn't spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate. An00b'arak: no im serious this is a real issue Killzone'jaeden: *What* is a real issue? An00b'arak: phylum An00b'arak: ism Killzone'jaeden: You best start talking some English Killzone'jaeden: Where the hell is Sargeras? theLichKing: Precisely. Killzone'jaeden: Don't get cute. An00b'arak: i am being discriminated against on the basis of my spinal condition Killzone'jaeden: What is your spinal condition? An00b'arak: i dont have 1 Killzone'jaeden: What? An00b'arak: im an arachnid An00b'arak: >8< spider power Killzone'jaeden: Hey LK I thought you squished all of them already. You spent ten years on these morons and you didn't even finish the job? An00b'arak: what theLichKing: Yeah I reanimated him. I'm the Lich King, it's sort of what I do. Killzone'jaeden: So you smashed a bunch of bugs Killzone'jaeden: And then you were like, Killzone'jaeden: "Huh! I sure would like to have those bugs back again!" Killzone'jaeden: Is your brain frozen or what? theLichKing: Ok that's kind of what I was getting at before. Killzone'jaeden: That you're an idiot? An00b'arak: ur horrible An00b'arak: ur a phylumist Killzone'jaeden: Oh no, I'm horrible. Why don't you go and tell all my demon friends how horrible I am. They will be shocked. An00b'arak: phylumist phylumist phulymst phylimist An00b'arak: that gets hard to type after a while though ***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.*** Kel'Thuz4d: thank god ***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.*** Kel'Thuz4d: oh god Kel'Thuz4d: go back to your hole theLichKing: Yeah get out of here Killzone'jaeden: Go back to your hole, spider An00b'arak: p An00b'arak: h An00b'arak: y Kel'Thuz4d: lolwut An00b'arak: l An00b'arak: u Killzone'jaeden: Shut. Up. An00b'arak: m Killzone'jaeden: Dude get rid of this guy. An00b'arak: i ***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.*** ***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.*** An00b'arak: sts ***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.*** Killzone'jaeden: Finally Killzone'jaeden: Where the hell is Sargeras theLichKing: It's really not necessary, I withdraw my request completely. Kel'Thuz4d: no he wants armor theLichKing: An *armoire.* theLichKing: Of power. Killzone'jaeden: I cannot express how much I hate both of you. Killzone'jaeden: And this is coming from someone whose lungs are made out of solidified hate. ***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.*** ~*`Sylvanas'*~: hey everyone ^_^ theLichKing: How did you get in here?! theLichKing: This is a private chat! ~*`Sylvanas'*~: lol :) ~*`Sylvanas'*~: i hacked admin :) ***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "~*`Sylvanas'*~" from the chat.*** ~*`Sylvanas'*~: lol lol lol Killzone'jaeden: TIE fighters theLichKing: What? Killzone'jaeden: Nothing. Can't you kick her out? theLichKing: I just tried ~*`Sylvanas'*~: admin guys lol ~*`Sylvanas'*~: :) ^___^ ~*`Sylvanas'*~: oh plus i can chat under ur names check this out theLichKing: im a little girl and i like ponies lol theLichKing: What! I hate ponies! Killzone'jaeden: ROFLMAO Kel'Thuz4d: she hax0red you dude theLichKing: This isn't funny! theLichKing: i play with dolls theLichKing: and bake cookies with my mommy theLichKing: Untrue! I deny everything Killzone'jaeden: Hahaha theLichKing: Ok guys this is lame let's just go to a different chat room Killzone'jaeden: NO! Killzone'jaeden: We're waiting for Sargeras! Killzone'jaeden: It's next to impossible to get him into these things anyway Killzone'jaeden: I'm not going to confuse him theLichKing: im a little teapot short and stout Killzone'jaeden: Besides this is hilarious Killzone'jaeden: Sargeras is going to get here and you'll be singing about teapots...you'll get pwned Killzone'jaeden: Maybe he'll buy you a "pwny" Killzone'jaeden: Hahaha see what I did there Kel'Thuz4d: i dont get it Kel'Thuz4d: wait ok but thats dumb Killzone'jaeden: Wordplay. Look it up. Killzone'jaeden: i like to dress up like a girl Killzone'jaeden: Oh now she's doing it to me too Killzone'jaeden: i like to put on women's clothes Killzone'jaeden: and pretend im a woman ***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.*** Killzone'jaeden: and look at myself in the mirror all pretty Killzone'jaeden: and call myself the prettiest prettiest princess theLichKing: Umm she's not here anymore theLichKing: Are you just typing that stuff yourself? Kel'Thuz4d: ... theLichKing: ... Killzone'jaeden: ... Killzone'jaeden: WHERE THE HELL IS SARGERAS ***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.*** ~*`Sylvanas'*~: heeeeeee~ Kel'Thuz4d: omg wtf this sux Kel'Thuz4d: i have a dungeon to run Kel'Thuz4d: pcs are going to be like raiding me and shiz theLichKing: Oh please. The expansion is called "Wrath of the Lich King." It's got my _name_ in it. You don't think a few guilds are going to be farming me as soon as I'm a fightable boss? theLichKing: probably not because i suck so much theLichKing: DAMMIT SYLVANAS Kel'Thuz4d: ok and now my cat is 8fwhwe8ufhffweeexvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Kel'Thuz4d: walking on my keyboard Kel'Thuz4d: hold on afk theLichKing: You have a cat? theLichKing: Seriously? theLichKing: You're a freaking skeleton lord. Why do you have a cat? Killzone'jaeden: Yeah why *do* you have a cat? Kel'Thuz4d: back, had to put the cat out Kel'Thuz4d: and ok Kel'Thuz4d: two things Kel'Thuz4d: first, cats are awesome Kel'Thuz4d: second, RACISM?? Kel'Thuz4d: "freaking skeleton lord" Killzone'jaeden: WTF is wrong with you people? Kel'Thuz4d: hey! what do you mean..."you people" Killzone'jaeden: What do YOU mean, "you people"? Kel'Thuz4d: hahahaha Killzone'jaeden: Hahahaha...Tropic Thunder, great movie. Killzone'jaeden: i like to poop theLichKing: ... Killzone'jaeden: Ok that one I actually did not say, that was Sylvanas that time theLichKing: ... Killzone'jaeden: No seriously this time it was her Kel'Thuz4d: "this time"? Kel'Thuz4d: wait so u really do like to wear womens clothes theLichKing: You are, in fact, the prettiest prettiest princess? Killzone'jaeden: No, of course not Kel'Thuz4d: do u have a panty drawer Killzone'jaeden: No! I wear boxers. With thorns on them. Killzone'jaeden: And skulls. theLichKing: Ok were the skulls on the kneecaps YOUR idea then?? Killzone'jaeden: Wait what? Kel'Thuz4d: yeah dont change the subject ***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.*** SARGERAS: I WILL CONSUME ALL HTE WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!1 SARGERAS: I AM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SARGERAS: I AM HTE DARK TITAN!!!111111!1! Killzone'jaeden: oh god SARGERAS: I WILL CONSUM ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!1!!!!!! theLichKing: You actually said that already Killzone'jaeden: He spelled it different though. Killzone'jaeden: Dark Lord, there is an issue we need you to resolve SARGERAS: NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!! SARGERAS: I AM SARGERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SARGERAS: TEH DARK TIT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Killzone'jaeden: Right Killzone'jaeden: But what we're going for is theLichKing: Yeah I'm confident he'll be able to resolve this Killzone'jaeden: The Lich King has this complaint... SARGERAS: I AM DESTORYING ALL WORLDS RIGT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SARGERAS: i wear little pink girly panties Kel'Thuz4d: omg SARGERAS: WHATTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theLichKing: hahahahaha Kel'Thuz4d: pwned SARGERAS: I DID NTO SAY THAT!11111111111111111111 Kel'Thuz4d: i dunno about you guys but im kinda turned on right now theLichKing: Rule 34 SARGERAS: yeah, you like that, there's more where that came from SARGERAS: *twirls hair seductively* SARGERAS: I DID NOT SYA THAT EITHERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SARGERAS: I WILL DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SARGERAS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SARGERAS: ! Kel'Thuz4d: *dies laughing* Killzone'jaeden: Ok I'm done Killzone'jaeden: F this Killzone'jaeden: I'm outta here Killzone'jaeden: I hate Azeroth ~*`Sylvanas'*~: aw dont go :) ***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.*** ~*`Sylvanas'*~: byeee~ SARGERAS: I USE SUPER ULTIMATE ATTACK FOR EIGHT MILLION POINS!!!!11 theLichKing: Hey I think he spelled all the words right in that one Kel'Thuz4d: missed a t theLichKing: Aw, yeah theLichKing: So close ***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.*** Kel'Thuz4d: ok im out too theLichKing: Ugh fine theLichKing: TTYL Kel'Thuz4d: ttyl ***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.*** SARGERAS: GAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! theLichKing: This is the worst chat ever. theLichKing: The worst. theLichKing: The worst. theLichKing: Whatevs, titan dude. I'm done. theLichKing: Still freezing my ass off though. theLichKing: *wrath* ***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.*** SARGERAS: *looks around* SARGERAS: Chat empty? SARGERAS: ... SARGERAS: I have eaten SARGERAS: the plums SARGERAS: that were in SARGERAS: the icebox SARGERAS: and which SARGERAS: you were probably SARGERAS: saving SARGERAS: for breakfast SARGERAS: Forgive me SARGERAS: they were delicious SARGERAS: so sweet SARGERAS: and so cold SARGERAS: ;-) ***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.*** Media Video External links ;Old Scourge Chat Log #1, Coffee with Sargeras. Brian Buckley, March 25, 2009. Accessed 20 October 2016.